I'm one of those people who like to make others happy.  Many of us operate this way, particularly those of us who run online businesses that have a service component.  We aim to please.  We attempt to satisfy.  If something isn't going well, we attempt to correct it.  At the end of the day, we find a sense of pleasure in making the lives of others better.

There's nothing wrong with that.  In fact, I would contend that if we didn't maintain an attitude of others-centered service, it would be unlikely for our businesses to succeed.

But what do you do when you face unreasonable expectations?  How do you handle people or tasks that drain your energy or waste your time?  Are there things you're agreeing to that you might want to reconsider?  What should you be saying "yes" to and what should you be saying "no" to?

The older I get, the more discerning I'm becoming when it comes to my yeses and nos.  My lack of discernment in these areas during an earlier season of life led to frustration and a lack of productivity in certain areas.  That was a mistake that I don't want to repeat.  It's my goal to be as productive and effective as I can be in both life and business.

That being said, let me offer a few thoughts on this subject that I hope you'll find helpful.  Let's start with what we should say YES to.

SAY YES

1.  Say yes to opportunities and ideas that align with your passions and gifts.  Over time, I'm sure you've become more aware of where you're gifted and what you're passionate about.  Lean into that.  Say yes to the opportunities that come your way that fit with that alignment.

A couple of years ago, I received an email from a well-established media company that had been following my content and wanted to partner together with me.  This wasn't a relationship I had been seeking, but as the idea of working together was presented to me, I could immediately see the mutual benefit that could come from it.  It was an opportunity that aligned extremely well with my passions and gifts, so I said, "YES!"

2.  Say yes to actions that have produced positive results in the past.  I'm a big fan of experimenting with many new ideas, and my heart isn't easily broken when I discover something that doesn't work because, in the process of making that discovery, I also inevitably discover things that work well.

If the audience you're serving keeps coming back to you for the same kind of content or services, start offering more of what you're audience wants.  When the McDonald brothers first established their restaurant, they had a vast menu, but over time it became clear to them that 80% of their sales were coming from people buying their hamburgers.  That inspired them to simplify their menu and focus on what was working.  Even as online entrepreneurs, there's a major lesson for us there.

3.  Say yes to people you feel specifically called to serve.  I find entrepreneurs who have a heart for others inspiring.  As your business grows, you're obviously going to experience all kinds of benefits, but to get there, you need to serve others well.  And I would suppose that if you gave it some thought, you could describe for me your ideal client or the ideal person you're called to serve.  Keep saying "yes" to serving the people you're specifically called to serve.

SAY NO

1.  Say no to tasks and activities that drain your energy to the point of "bitterness and resentment."  If you're a people pleaser, this can be a very difficult lesson to learn, but it's extremely important.

I find it much easier to say "yes" than "no", but every time I say yes to one thing, that means I'm automatically saying no to something else.  At present, I'm in the process of eliminating a series of tasks and activities that drain my energy to the point that, were I to continue them, I'm concerned that I might develop a bitter or resentful attitude.  And I have to say, giving myself permission to say "no" and add more margin back to my schedule has actually been a lot of fun.

2.  Say no to expending effort on actions that just aren't working.  This is an issue that many newer entrepreneurs struggle with, especially if they've been listening to voices that are telling them they need to do everything under the sun for their business to succeed, but some actions aren't fruitful and should be eliminated.

I'll give you a prime example that may surprise you.  Social media.  I am not opposed to social media, nor am I saying that it isn't beneficial for some businesses, but it isn't beneficial for everyone.  In fact, for some entrepreneurs, it's a distraction and may be a waste of time.  At present, I oversee several successful online platforms and I can assure you that they were not built with social media.  

Not long ago, I was speaking with a woman who had just spent several hours of her day creating a short video that promoted her online platform.  She shared it on her social media channels and nothing else came of it.  It wasn't seen by very many people and it didn't result in additional business.  She would have been better served by writing a short blog post or reaching out to potential clients directly.

3.  Say no to people who are disrespectful of your time and who want as much of your attention as they can get without concern for how their actions may negatively impact you.  This is a biggie for me, and I'm starting to become pretty strict about the lines I draw with people like this.

In fact, during this season of my life, I have given myself permission not to reply to people who are disrespectful of my time.  There are people in my life whose consciences don't seem to be troubled by interrupting holidays, vacations, or time dedicated to other important activities.  They just want as much of my attention and energy as they can get, and they will take as much as I'm willing to give.  

As I've noticed this pattern, I have become better at establishing healthy boundaries.  Admittedly, this can result in criticism from time to time, but I'm OK with that.  It actually helps me repel some of the people who seem like they were never told "no" as a child.  Their drama and selfishness don't need to become a source of stress or negativity for me at this season of my life.  I don't need to say "yes" to every unreasonable demand they make just to keep them happy.  They're allowed to be unhappy.  They're allowed to move on to someone else.

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In life and business, it's important to know what to say "yes" to and what to say "no" to.  If your life and business are going to thrive, this is an area that demands clarity and intentionality.

© John Stange, 2025